Farewell, Papa

Wala na si Papa.

We lost him last Thursday morning. Nandun kaming apat na magkakapatid. I saw him during his last moments. It was very painful. Nakita ko siyang mahirapan. I held his hand most of the time, hoping it would make him feel that he's not alone throughout his ordeal. I don't know kung naririnig niya pa yung mga bagay na sinasabi namin. We told him how much we love him.

No matter how I wanted to hold back the tears para iparamdam sa kanya na everything would be fine, I couldn't. The thought of losing him never occured in our minds mula nung ma-stroke siya last September. Kahit nagpabalik-balik siya sa ospital in the last six months, we actually believed he would get better.

We were not ready. We never thought it would be this soon.

Last week, nakausap ko siya. I asked him kung ano ang gusto niyang ihanda ko para sa nalalapit na birthday niya. He would have been 61 on March 24. Sabi ni Papa, ang gusto lang daw niya ay malamig na tubig. Yun lang, at ang makasama kaming apat na magkakapatid at mga apo niya. When I got to the hospital on Thursday, I had no money in my pocket. I felt so bad coz I couldn't give him what he wanted for his birthday before he died. I felt like I failed him. My brother bought a bottle, but it was too late.

He was not a perfect father. I grew up scared of him. I resented him on many occasions. But I love him very much.

I wouldn't trade him for any other dad in the world.